A Caregiver's Story
 By Ed Schreiber

 

The following is a true story that I have been asked to write.  In August, 1998 my first wife was diagnosed with uterine cancer.  She had a radical hysterectomy in September, 1998.  The results showed it was Stage 4 cancer - not good.  She refused radiation, chemotherapy  and all other conventional therapies.  She chose alternative therapy which was laetrile/vitamin C drips.  I drove her to Suffern, NY from Morris County, NJ twice  a week.  The drips took about 3 hours.  She was in great spirits and the alternative care was working.  Each blood test she took showed improvement.

 

In February 1999 there was a recurrence of the cancer and this hit us both hard.  I must say however she took it better than I did.

 

I was off work the day after hearing the news.  I am an employee of the Star Ledger Newspaper and had to deliver a route my next day back to work.  It was pouring and not only was I getting soaked, but I was also crying.  I had to pull over numerous times to dry my eyes.  I came to a cul-de-sac which had a large blue water tower in a field.  I had to make a pit stop when I was getting back into my car a voice said "What are you crying for, she's going to live."  I said "How do you know?" The voice answered, "Because I am your Guardian Angel!!!"

 

I got back into my car and looked at the water tower- there at the bottom was a small white light.  I have been back to that spot at least 10 times and have never seen a white light.  The thoughts that made me cry earlier could not bring even one tear to my eyes.  Everyone should have a visit at least once in their life from their Guardian Angel. 

 

I thought I should call my wife on the cell phone.  Then I realized it was 5:00 AM and she would live, but would kill me for waking her up.  I called my wife at 8:00 AM  to tell her what happened to me and guess what she said.  She was not surprised as the night before she had started a course called A Course in Miracles.

 

Things went along on a fairly even keel for about 9 months.  My wife suffered no pain - at least none that she told our children or me about.  We even went on a 10-day vacation to Hawaii.  Then two days after Thanksgiving 1999, my wife and I were going shopping.  It was 10:00 AM Saturday morning and I asked her if she was ready.  She was sitting on the couch and said "Bbbbbbb", I could could not understand her - she repeated it.  I called 911, YES, SHE WAS HAVING A STROKE.

 

She was taken to Morristown Memorial Hospital where she spent one week and recovered 100%.  She was fine until Thursday, December 23, 1999.  I came back from shopping (I took leave on December 6th to be her caregiver) at 9:30 AM I heard a thud coming from upstairs.  I ran up the steps and discovered her on the floor of our bedroom.  She had fallen out of bed.  I again called 911 and they rushed her to St. Clare's Medical Center, Denville, NJ.  This second stroke paralyzed her right side.  She was in the hospital one week, then transferred to Kessler in West Orange.  It was not easy for me to see my wife who had finished in the top  10% of her high school class and had graduated The Berkeley School just 10 years earlier with a 3.96 average, not know where the keys on the computer were.

 

Kessler was where I met Mary Jo Candido and David Chaffin, two of the NJSAC founders.  They both inspired my wife and me.  I took my wife home after 30 days  and cared for her (as many of  you reading this have done and are doing).  She improved, then fell in our living room and took a big set back.  I put her in Inglemoor Convalescent Care, Livingston.  She was there one month.

 

I took her home and on March 31, 2000 we had an apartment for an MRI.  We went there and when we were waiting she had a bowel movement and didn't realize it.   I cleaned her up and changed her.  When we got home, she took a nap.  I made dinner and woke her up and found she had another bowel movement.  I cleaned her again, gave her dinner, talked for a while and she went to sleep.  It was then that I realized I could not go on changing dirty clothes and bed linen.

 

On Saturday morning, April 1, 2000 I took matters into my own hands.  I took 13 Tylenol pills and attempted suicide.  It was 6:50 AM and I woke up my daughter to tell her what I had done.  Since I do not take any medication, the Tylenol acted quickly.  My daughter called 911 and I was hospitalized for 5 days in St. Clare's Mental Hospital.  My wife was taken to St. Clare's Hospital.

 

My wife was released on June 1, 2000 and transferred to a nursing home in Morristown.  In the early morning of June 6, 2000 - 3:00 AM to be exact - a gust of wind came through my window and slammed my door closed.  It woke me up and startled me.  Twenty minutes later my phone rang.  Needless to say, I knew what was going to be told to me.  After I hung up, I sat up in bed and said "I need help".  Two words were given to me.   No Suffering.  I still have the sign I made of those two words.

 

When a stroke survivor dies, the caregiver is removed from the NJSAC mailing list.  However, I continued to receive the newsletters.  In February 2001, I received then NJSAC newsletter.  In it I read they were in need of funds and if anyone knew of ways to raise money to call.  I called and talked to Mary Jo and told her I knew of a few ways to raise money.

 

Well one thing led to another and on June 9, 2001 I asked Mary Jo if she every thought about changing her last name.  She said "Yes" and on her birthday, May 25, 2002 she became my wife.

 

Mary Jo and I firmly believe that my first wife, Lois brought us together.

 

Remember - Be positive.  Never give up - you never know when you will hear from your Guardian Angel.

 

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